zattere per le mamme

...le forze cominciavano a venirmi meno, quando all'improvviso intravidi tra i flutti una zattera ed una mano allungata verso di me...con gli occhi brucianti di salsedine e la bocca piena di acqua riuscii a dire solo uno stentato 'grazie'...

venerdì 27 aprile 2007

SEE ME


Mamma mi racconti una favola?
No amore, questa sera la mamma non si sente bene, ho mal di testa.

Mamma stasera me la racconti la favola?
No, non vedi che devo ancora finire di riordinare?

Mamma avevi detto che mi raccontavi ...

Zitta un attimo che non sento...


Amore vuoi che ti racconti una bella favola?
No.Grazie mamma.

In tutta la vita quante paia di occhi avrò fissato dentro ai miei…una infinità…occhi sinceri e puri come quelli dei bambini o di persone che anche da adulte conservano un cuore intonso dal fango; occhi arroganti di tutti quelli che pensavano di saperne più di me, di sapermi insegnare qualcosa ma senza averne davvero l’intenzione; occhi tristi, madonna quanti!, di gente offesa, maltrattata, delusa, occhi liquidi di chi aspetta di morire o neanche se ne rende conto più che è l’ora, perché l’oggi e il domani sono confusi, occhi addolorati per un lavoro perduto, occhi affamati a fine mese con pochi soldi in tasca ; occhi cattivi e spietati o solo cattivi perché il dolore toglie tenerezza allo sguardo e non bisogna arrogarsi il diritto di giudicare; occhi colmi d’amore, amore di mamma, di papà, di nonno, di nonna, di zia, di zio, amore mio, il primo amore e poi il secondo e il terzo, e poi...e poi...figlia, ci sono i tuoi bellissimi occhi.
Il tuo sguardo colmo d’amore per me. E che io spesso non ricambio perché distratta da altro. Tu mi guardi e mi dici che sono bella. Vedo i tuoi occhi che lacrimano perché ti sei fatta la bua e poi colmi di gratitudine dopo che ti ho disinfettato e messo il cerotto. I tuoi occhi ridotti a fessura dalle risate e dal solletico.


Ho visto per la prima volta nei tuoi occhi la delusione cocente per l'ennesimo rifiuto. Cercherò di non negarti più ciò che è ovvio che tu ottenga da me. Mi dispiace davvero. Spero che tu possa leggerlo nei miei occhi in questi giorni. Non c'è nulla che valga di più di vedere la meraviglia nei tuoi occhi.

12 Comments:

Blogger Laura said...

L'altro giorno, ad una festa, C. era con delle amichette e le avevo appenda dato dei gettoni per salire su una macchinetta. Io chiacchieravo. Ad un certo punto è arrivata di gran carriere, mi ha interrotto mentre parlavo e mi ha detto tutta concitata:"Corri, sbrigati!" Io, nella parte "mamma bon ton che educa la sua bambina e sono tanto brava vedete" le ho risposto seccamente:"Come ti permetti di interrompere?Sei una maleducata. Chiedi scusa e poi ne riparliamo". Lei è scoppiata a piangere disperata e a nulla sono valse le mie richieste di spiegazione o gli inviti delle sue amichette (nel frattempo sopraggiunte) a andare con loro. Non ha smesso di piangere e non ha più giocato.
Poi mi ha spiegato.
Non era riuscita a mettere il suo gettone nella macchinina e "il signore delle macchinette" non l'aveva aiutata. nel frattempo le sue amiche, che invece c'erano riuscite, erano partite e lei era corsa dalla sua mamma a chiedere aiuto per raggiungerle.
Che però giocava alle "signore".

3:27 PM  
Blogger pOpale said...

Molto dolce questo post.

Qualche giorno fa un nostra amica ci ha raccontato che nelle ultime settimane era stata "fagocitata" sul lavoro e arrivava stanca a casa e non riusciva dedicare molto tempo alla bambina. Vista la delusione della piccola, qualche sera fa ha comprato in un negozio di giocattoli un vestito da fata e un paio di ali più grandi per lei e insieme hanno giocato alla fiaba delle fate dal vero. Grande successo, magari può darti uno spunto con Micol :)
Buon fine settimana

9:09 AM  
Blogger LA CONIGLIA said...

Ti parlo da figlia. E da figlia che di favole dalla mamma non ne ha mai sentito, e nemmeno di coccole e carezze...Non è che mia mamma non mi ami,ma è fatta così, ma non sai come mi son sentita rifiutata da bimba(e a volte ancora) per il suo atteggiamento che stirare, fare spesa, lavorare etc etc erano sempre prima di me. Micol anche se le neghi queste cose non smetterà di amarti, ma sicuramente non avrà lo stimolo a raccontarti la tua vita quando crescerà e tu potresti restarci male e chiederti perchè..Perchè se stai offrendo la tua comprensione e la tua vicinanza queste vengano rifiutate...Vengon rifiutate proprio per ciò che è accaduto quando ero piccina e mi è stata negata la coccola e la fiaba...
Ma tu per fortuna hai capito e sono certa non farai questo errore...E per questo sarai ricompensata stanne certa. Adesso come quando sarà grande. Scusa se son stata sconnessa e poco chiara, nonostante tutto mi fa male parlarne e il tuo post mi ha veramente veramente colpito....

10:39 AM  
Blogger giuliana said...

ecco, Graziellaccia brutta, io ci stavo provando, in tutti i modi, ad uscire dal vortice dei sensi di colpa e degli atti mancati e delle chiacchiere del bimbo che ti fanno venire i lucciconi a tarda ora. io ci stavo provando e tu proprio adesso mi ci rituffi dentro con quella dolcezza che uccide. proprio ora che sto cercando di capire come fare a riportare un po' di serenità a questo bimbo che ha paura che ogni volta che il suo papà non c'è sia in ospedale o sia morto, proprio ora che ho un appuntamento importante con una persona che spero possa darmi una mano a farlo riavvicinare alla realtà, che sì, è fatta anche di cose brutte, ma per fortuna non solo di quelle.
grazie, Graziellaccia brutta.

4:35 PM  
Blogger lemoni said...

@Laura, Ale, La Coniglia e Giuli...impulsivamente vi racconto di me e scaricandomi mi sento più leggera...ma rifletto poco sul fatto che a volte vi posso appesantire del carico di ricordi o di stati d'animo dannatamente attaccati al cuore togliendovi magari quella spensieratezza di venire a dare una letta dalle parti mie...ma questa vita stranamente amara in ciò che dovrebbe avere soltanto un dolce sapore ha questa incongruenza di fondo: è spesso un grosso peso.
Comunque siete tanto vicini al mio cuore...forse tu Giuli, un pò di più...e gli altri non se ne abbiano a male...

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